


You

by Twisted_Barbie



Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Poldark - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 06:46:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15504657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twisted_Barbie/pseuds/Twisted_Barbie
Summary: Series 4, episode 8Love makes monsters of us all





	You

“What do you want, George? What more do you want?” Those words from your lips Ross, truly? 

“You.” I reply simply, bored by your tiresome accusations. 

Your whiskey eyes darken by my confession and as always, your passion spills over into aggression as you pull me from my seat and into a punishing kiss. So often you have laid your hands upon me in violence to mask your amorous nature towards me. It’s okay Ross, I am guilty of the same. I would soon blacken your eye as I would redden your lips with my teeth. 

Your fingers claw at my cravat exposing my throat to your wolfish gaze. Are you always so rough with your conquests or is it just I, that brings this animalistic lust upon you? Your tongue is at my lips demanding entrance and to this I concede to you but only in this. I still loathe you as passionately as I love you. 

You’ve always known, haven’t you, Ross? That was what your tirade was all about. Twenty years ago we were stood in this room but I never aspired to Elizabeth, my gaze was upon you as it has always been. You had ignored me then as you had always done, I was of no consequence, a mere Blacksmith’s grandson, dirt on the bottom of your boot would have been less overlooked. 

And so I scratched and clawed my way up from the social quagmire of the lower classes. I took, I coerced, I cheated when it suited. You ask me what more do I want? What more will it take for you to notice me? Truly notice me, Ross? Not as an adversary but as an equal. 

You can’t, can you? Even now in passion you choose to debase me, tearing at my fine clothes as if they were my shield. My ancestry may be inferior to your own but I am not inferior to you. I would show you the man I have become. I would return your harsh caresses and graze your sun-kissed skin with my teeth. 

I would tear away your thin veneer of genteel and put you on your knees where you belong. 

But alas, I am ashamed to say, none of this came to pass. My cowardice would not permit me to speak my heart. Instead I sent you away and turned my ire upon Elizabeth. 

I am furthered ashamed to admit that my desire for her stemmed from my desire for you, as it did for the prostitute I used to frequent in my younger years. I used to imagine that your taste still lingered upon their lips and I would kiss them keenly eager for a taste. You made a monster of me Ross, and Elizabeth has died as a consequence. 

She was too good for this world, far too good for you, Ross. Why must loving you come at such a cost? Elizabeth loved you once, and in response you tore off an angel’s wings and condemned it to hell. I truly did believe Valentine was your child, it is a thought that has plagued me since his birth but the reason for my anger has been misconstrued. I am not a hypocrite, I could not blame Elizabeth for succumbing to your charm, as I would have done the same in her position. You make people take leave of their senses by your proximity. You guide them down the wrong path with a smile on your handsome face and then you discard them. 

I thought you had discarded Valentine. It would not have been his fault if you had, it is just in your nature, Ross. I was happy to raise him as my own but what annoyed me most was that you could give me your son but you would not give me yourself. I have only ever wanted you, why must you pretend to not know? 

To love you is pain, Ross. Ask my dear sweet departed wife. I wed her to anger you, but in our years together she managed to find herself into my heart, something I thought you had broken long ago. We were both casualties of our affection for you and I hope I brought her solace to the destruction you wrought upon her if only for a short while. 

Yet in her final days I had hurt her as you had done. I had seen myself in her, I had noticed the way she loses herself in your presence and I wanted to stamp it out because I loathed the fact that I was guilty of the same. I abused her trust because of my own self-loathing and for that Ross Poldark, I shall never forgive you. 

As I stand before her gravestone, I make this promise. You will pay for the monster you turned me into.


End file.
